It was just about the time I boarded the train that I pieced together the quintessential reason for human suffering. The struggle between what people desire and the realities of their lives must be the cause.

At least, I thought that was it. A compulsive gambler wishes to always win, but he fails to do so. A perfectionist needs to be satisfied, yet they never will. And I desired companionship, though that too was near impossible. 

It was this thought that helped ruin the start of what was supposed to be a relaxing vacation. That old saying – when one is hungry, everyone looks like lemon custard, or however it goes – proved itself to me then, as it did often.

Loneliness, my particular affliction, affected all areas of my perception. The kissing couple in the seat ahead of me? An unpleasant reminder of my love life, or lack thereof. The couple fighting in the seat behind me? Proof that even if I did find a relationship, I still might not be completely happy. That woman who refused to acknowledge me on the way in? A testament to my own unappealing nature. The cute attendee that smiled at me as I got to my seat? Just a company policy of friendliness. She wouldn’t smile at me unless she was paid to do it.

There are, of course, many people who suffer as I do, or worse. And there are many different methods they employ to help ease their suffering. There is alcohol, drugs, self-mutilation, fervent religious belief, reckless risk-seeking, and binge eating. My favored method of dealing with the pain of reality was simply distracting myself from it. No, not distracting myself from the pain, distracting myself from reality. In moments of inner reflection, I can contemplate life and how it progresses from the perspective of an outsider. The pain and injustice of the world appears only theoretical as I distance myself from anything that exists outside the boundaries of my mind. Meanwhile, the time I spend in my head distracts me from noticing anything else disturbing the world around me.

I gave that world a cautious glance, not desiring to draw too much of it in. Ah, time for our servers to bring us our evening meal. I barely noticed the food as I thought about where the silverware was made. Perhaps China. If so, it was almost certainly made under labor conditions that were questionable at best viewed from a first-world country’s perspective. Were the workers resentful or were they pleased that they had some form of employment, even a poor one? Should a U.S. company that hires Chinese workers be responsible for complying with both Chinese and U.S. labor laws? Would China restrict trade to America if we were to enact such a policy? How much would that impact our economy?

This was a waste of my time, as everything was. But even as I was on vacation, even as I had mastery over my own mind and my own personal state of affairs, I was unhappy. Part of me had been unhappy so long that it was simply accepted. It was simply an unavoidable infection, like a reoccurring cancer or a cold sore on the lip. 

After my meal, I train in vain to sleep. The demons of insomnia tormented me often, and this appeared to be no exception. 

~

A sudden jolt awakened me from my slumber. The seat of the train appeared to be giving way from under me, and before I could react, I fell through the floor and onto the tracks. Like an angry beast, the train roared over me, barely missing my fortunately thin frame. A few moments later, and the train was gone. 

Still shaken and in pain, I pulled myself to my feet to discover that there was no sight of civilization. There were a few faded green trees on the hills, and the trail of tracks ahead of me and behind. Aside from that, everything was buried.

It was as if a great, Asian Tsunami had wandered off course, discovered the climate of North America, and perished before it had the chance to turn back. There wasn’t so much snowfall as there was simply a wall of snow that began several feet below where I stood. As it was still falling, the wall appeared to reach towards the sky, obstructing my vision and my breath. Without any supplies or snow gear, the walls of snow had me trapped. I knew I’d almost certainly be unable to move within a few minutes and perish within a few hours.

At the time, it did not occur to me that my typical miserable self would take some small amount of pleasure in the end of my suffering. All I wanted then was to live, to feel warm air in my lungs, to somehow find deliverance. Not being a religious man, I took no comfort in prayer, though I did attempt to stand and walk as far as I could before I fell.

Although the pain was excruciating, I did not feel myself losing strength as I slowly trudged through the tundra. A few yards later, I was musing the final signs of hypothermia when I saw her.

A woman was standing on a bank of snow, her hands placed firmly on her hips in a show of defiance. More startling than the appearance of another human being was her attire: she was dressed in skimpy, summer clothes, barely covering her flesh. Yet, her cheeks were not rosy with the cold, and as I approached nearer, her flesh was not wrinkled in goosebumps. She was almost painfully thin, her ribs and shoulders pinching and pulling her artificially tan skin.

“What’s the matter?” she asked with an air of condescension. “Can’t make it out here?” I felt too stunned to answer. We were dying, or at least I was, and her one thought is to mock me?
I quickly put my pride aside and realized that I had to find some way of emulating this woman’s cold-resistant secret if I was to survive. I took a deep breath and tried to shout a response to her, despite the fact that her soft voice had strangely no trouble permeating the storm. 

“Whatever you’re doing to keep yourself warm, I want to do it!” The mysterious woman tossed her head back and cackled. Her laugh was both softly feminine and sinisterly malicious, and sent a stronger chill down my spine than the cold.

“What makes you think I’m surviving any better you?” I pondered the statement, and the impossible situation at hand. Before I could reach any reasonable explanation, she spoke again. “Do you really think I can save you? I’m not smart, I’m not nice, but beauty, well…” 

I shook my head. “No, you could not save me. Nor do you possess beauty of any kind.” She nodded slowly, her thin lips creasing in a smile.

“Perhaps, then, there is a different girl in this snowstorm who will save you.” With that statement, she hung her head and hunched her shoulders sullenly. For a moment, there was a flash of light, and although I was physically still standing only a few feet from her, I felt as if she was fading away. 

As my eyes adjusted, I noticed that her complexion was quickly changing, first becoming nearly as pale and wan as the snow, then becoming faintly red with the cold. Her main of hair changed from peroxide blonde to a deep chocolate. Her tiny, diamond face become softer and more delicate. 

The near-starved body of mainstream beauty also changed. Angular, protruding bones disappeared under a thin layer of healthy-looking flesh. A softer, rounder girl emerged, one perhaps still pretty in the eyes of most but now lacking the look of self-denial. 

The changes did not stop there. The outfit that had clothed her earlier seemed to be replacing itself with baggier, bulkier clothes, which served both to better protect one from the cold and hide their body shape. And that shape was still in flux. The girl who only a few minutes ago could have modeled for a magazine now would only appear in a plus sized catalogue. The baggy jeans and sweatshirt she was now wearing prevented me from seeing exactly how big she was, but it was clear that she would probably be looked down upon by most at her current size. 

My observation of her transformation suddenly ended as her eyes fluttered open. Darker eyes stared at me, from under darker, thicker eyebrows. Her posture was no longer confident, but now slouched and self conscious. 

“Where are we? I’m so cold…” Her voice, now slightly deeper and far more serious sounding, was nevertheless far harder to hear over the roar of snow. As I prepared to answer her as best I could, I saw a cabin on the hills right behind her that I was certain wasn’t there before. I pointed to it and told her that we should get out of this weather quickly. As we walked, she stumbled, and I grabbed a hold of her hand to steady her balance.

We did not break the link until we were at the door of the small cabin, which surprisingly, knocked at us before we could knock on it.

~

“Sir? Sir? We have arrived.” My head jolted forwards, only to hit the roof of my cabin. I was back in the train, and the knocking door was the door to the train’s corridor.

I swore out loud, partly from the head pain but mainly because the dream was over. That dream would probably be the best thing that happened to me my entire trip, and now it was gone forever.

~

The name of my city was as irrelevant as the name of the company that provided me my pouch of peanuts during my travel towards it. It was small, and it was northern, and it was mine. Each winter I could count on not being bothered. Each winter, I could appreciate the natural beauty of the country environment, and I could find some small measure of inner peace.

This particular visit, however, was marred with feeling of unease and anxiety. My vivid dream had made me feel more lonely and troubled than ever, and the snow was nearing the levels of my dreamscape. It wasn’t until I was settled into my usual cabin that I was able to finally repel the cold, but that was replaced with a far deadlier emotion. 

One additional motivation to getting away from the city was that it was a prime spot do some writing. I did academic articles for a few magazines on philosophy, and usually the silence helped me come up with ideas. The panicky, constrictive feeling of writer’s block was already taking hold of me, and I hadn’t even resided in my little dwelling for more than 30 minutes.

After a few more agonizing minutes, I decided to pay a visit to the chain coffee shop and receive some caffeine. Perhaps then I’d be able to snap myself out of it, I thought to myself.

~

It was at the coffee shop that it happened. After obtaining my cup of tea, I began to look for a place to sit down – and I saw her.

It wouldn’t be accurate to say that I saw her immediately. My eye caught her for a moment, and my mind registered a remarkably good looking woman for a few moments, and I moved on. Then, as if I was transported back to my dream, I realized that this was in fact the same woman.

Too afraid of, well, reality itself and its new nature, I timidly sat at the table nearest my current position and contented myself with only gazing at her. One sure sign of an insecure woman is when being eyed, she’ll always take a quick glace behind her, as she imagines there must be some beautiful woman directly behind her that’s being admired. 

When I saw that she was preparing to leave, I finally summoned up my courage and curiosity. I made my way to her table, trying my best to seem nonchalant and friendly. In that aim, I’m almost certain that I failed.

“Hi, I’m Jason…noticed you were sitting alone, and thought you might want someone to talk to.” My voice sounded tight and false, but it was the best I could do.

“I’m Brandi…and…uh…” I decided to interrupt, hoping to pre-empt her untimely exit.

“I did notice thought that you seemed just about ready to go. I don’t want to keep you if you are in a hurry to get somewhere…is that what’s happening or do you have a few minutes to chat?” She shook her head, then sighed in apparent frustration.

“No, I mean, yeah I have time.” We chatted for a while, and my focus quickly became less on deciphering my dream and more on wanting to get to know Brandi. The dream could have been some kind of omen or prophecy, but the Brandi in front of me now was undeniably real.

There is a lot to be said for human interaction, when it works right. It brings happiness, hope, and inspiration. The emptiness inside seems to vanish, if only for a little while.

~

We met the next day, and the next, and the next. It would not be an exaggeration to say that Brandi was the kindest soul I had ever known. Never did I hear a word of anger or resentment leave her mouth. Never was there undeserved judgment or ill-will. 

She was a high school English teacher, and astounded me with her intellectual prowess with literature and other forms of the written word. My writers block quickly vanished when she gave me a few inspiriting suggestions.

It was partly my respect and admiration for Brandi that kept me from asking her certain questions. There was nothing I feared more than somehow making a blunder and scaring her away. This fear was beaten back when I decided to finally tell her about the dream.

The morning was strangely warm, and the snow was slushy enough to trudge through with proper shoes. Brandi’s idea was to hike together to a scenic area, now that the weather was permitting it, at least for today.

“Brandi, can I make a somewhat unusual inquiry?” We had known each other only for about a week, but she was already able to pick up on some of my social cues. The tightness of my voice must have given it away, for she looked at me with a puzzled look for a second.

“Sure, go ahead, it’s your prerogative.” Under normal circumstances, I’d be basking in the glow of Brandi’s voice, which carried a rich, almost tonal quality. It was a slightly deep and sultry, but at the same time had a pleasant feminine lilt. Or, perhaps I’d enjoy the rarity of meeting another individual who used words like “prerogative” in casual conversation. At that moment, I was thinking about the dream and how to describe it.

“The night before first met, um…well…” 

“Oh, yeah? I had wanted to discuss it earlier, I had a very remarkable dream.” I stared at her wide-eyed. “I found myself stranded on a hill, surrounded by a lake of magma. Every second, my island of dirt was getting smaller and smaller. As the lava got closer to me, I saw that it was carrying many dead bodies and I knew I would join them in the next few minutes.” 

“What did you do?” I asked as she turned her head skyward.

“Well, I started looking up towards the sky, and there was a giant eagle soaring up there safely. I suddenly had a desire to follow him, and I jumped up in the air. I felt myself getting lighter and lighter, and I saw that I was transforming into a bird myself. The two of us soared above the lava, until we reached a small building in a nearby, unscathed forest. We started to become people again, but…I woke up.” 

“That’s an amazing coincidence,” I began, “because I had a somewhat similar dream that same night.” 

“Well, go ahead,” she said, and I tried my best to recount the events of my unconscious adventure.

~

“So you had exactly the opposite dream I had?” 

I quickly shook my head. “How did you get that idea?”

“Well in my dream, to escape a dilemma, I had to make a positive transformation. In your dream, I made a negative one.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“You know exactly what I mean, Jason. I started out pretty and ended up…like this. That’s about as negative as you can get.” 

“No, it’s not. You’re very pretty.” At this, she loudly scoffed.

“Yah, right.” For a few moments, we trudged in silence, avoiding eye contact. “You want to see pretty? Look at this.” We stepped out of the cover of the trees, arriving at our destination. 

A large canyon carved through the landscape below us, dotted green with trees under the white blanket of snow. The canopy stretched off into the horizon, almost as if the landscape was melting into the clouds and connecting to the sky itself.

“That…that is beautiful,” Brandi started with a tear in her eye. “I’ve been ugly my whole life.” I started to speak up, but she cut me off. “Jason, you’re a great guy and I’m glad I’ve finally met a man who’s liked my intelligence. But please stop with the fake compliments, ok? Everybody else sees the same thing that I do when I look in the mirror and most have let me know at some point.” 

There was a small vantage point bench, and we parked ourselves on it. The air between us hung with a frostier chill than any brought about by the winter, and for quite a while, nobody said a word.

Eventually, I spoke up. “I’m sorry if I offended you.” 

“No, it’s just…just a touchy subject with me,” Brandi said after she let out a sigh.

As I gazed at her, I felt a sudden need for are more personal, physical intimacy. Yes, she was attractive, but my feelings were far beyond that. I wanted to hold her when she needed to cry, or have her do the same for me in my times of need. I wished to wander around my house and know that if I wanted, I could run up to her and greet her with a loving embrace whenever I so desired. I yearned to appreciate, to cuddle, to love the warmth of her being. 

What saddened me, and caused me to turn my head towards the distinctly less moving scenic view, was that I knew there would be impediments to this. She was, as of now, probably too uncomfortable with herself to allow someone else to feel good about her. She also was probably not all that interested in me, few girls, if any, ever had been. It struck me as inherently wrong and unjust that these problems should exist, because I had never found anyone quite like her. I knew that should we grow apart, my return to hopelessness might very well be a permanent one.

As I adjusted my posture, however, I saw her looking towards me, and perhaps a little too quickly turn her head away. I kept my eyes on her, waiting for her to look towards me again. 

I wasn’t disappointed; she was staring at me again, and this time our eyes locked. There was a certain look of pleading within those deep, brown irises. 

“Do you…” she stopped herself, then began again. “Do you really think I’m pretty? Just, be honest.” 

“You’re amazing. You’re a rose in a desert. You’re an ember in the frost.” The fire I had alluded to began to show in her cheeks as her face flushed. At first, she choked back a small sob, then she smiled.

“Thanks. You’re the…well nobody…You’re cute too, by the way.” I scooted myself a bit closer to her. “You’re….you’re….well…” Our lips met before she could finish. I felt myself melt at the sensation of her soft lips upon mine, and my skin tingled as we kissed.

We pulled our arms around each other and pulled our bodies close as the kiss grew hungrier. My entire mouth felt glowing, and my mind felt on the verge of bursting with happiness.

When we broke the kiss, we were panting and giggling like kids. Our eyes locked together for a few more minutes, and then Brandi spoke.

“I was going to say you’re comet in an empty sky…but that doesn’t come close to doing you justice” I smiled, not my usual smile of politeness, nor my calculated smile of false happiness, but a rare, genuine smile. The corners of my mouth almost seemed to be buoyed up by recent events and unable to come back down.

~

There was a certain level of newfound confidence in Brandi from that day forward. It wasn’t just a brighter smile or a swing in her step. Her entire composure had changed. The old shame and hesitancy seemed gone, replaced with noticeable pride in herself. When I pointed this out to her, she mentioned how she had noticed a similar change in myself, though I certainly wouldn’t have ever guessed it on my own.

One night, at my cabin, her newfound confidence was expressed to me in a new way. 

“You know, I’ve been thinking some more about that dream you had…tell me again about how my little metamorphosis was a good thing.” I started to talk about the different tastes of beauty, but she put her finger to my lips.

“No, Jason….” She walked towards me, and positioned her body close to mine. “Tell me why I’m…sexy.” I was silent for an awkward moment, not fully knowing what to say.
“I’ve felt embarrassed my whole life, but you’ve given me some looks the last few days…and, I like it.” I barely knew where to begin, but I could try.

“You’re sexy because you’re soft, perfect to hug, to cuddle, to caress…” As I said those words, her tank top came off, revealing her large breasts straining her braw and her gentle looking tummy spilling over her pants. As she stepped even closer to me, I noticed her shoulders were slightly wider than mine. “You’re also sexy because you’re strong…you’re bigger than me, your frame is larger than mine…you have a strong mind…strength is sexy, too.”

“You know what’s sexy about you?” She undid the clasps of her bra, and her large breasts bounced free. “You’re able to admit all that…most guys aren’t into their feelings at all, especially not those kind.” 

My eyes, still mesmerized by her bosom, didn’t notice her hands moving towards my shirt. Quickly, she ripped it open, and then discarded it.

“Your body, too…sexy…” I was pretty thin for a man, and didn’t see myself what was sexy about it. “A buff guy carries so much stigma of aggression and anger…but a skinny guy…he’s cute…masculine, but vulnerable.” 

We met in a kiss, not innocent or magical like our first, but almost feral and animalistic. My hands started to cup her bountiful breasts, and as I gently pinched her nipple, she slightly bit down on my lower lip. 

We almost tripped and fell in mutual surprise, but we quickly made our way to the bedroom and started to rapidly remove the rest of our clothes. Our bodies rolled together, and her feminine softness pressing down upon me was indescribably blissful. Time seemed to blur as we made love, and when it was over, we were holding each other and crying with joy. 

No further words needed to be spoken. I started to fall asleep in the arms of my Goddess, completely content for the first time in my life. I knew then that I never would leave her, that nothing would ever destroy our bond. 

These are the moments of possibility, I now realize, that are the embers in the frost of life of which one truly dreams. They are the moments that one desires feverishly in moments of bleakest despair. They seem impossible, and yet, we know they are not in our hearts. They are the dreams capable of becoming reality that make the rest of life worth living. 

As I now enjoy life with my Goddess I cry out to my fellow mortals, "Let us never surrender these dreams, for they are all that is good within us and our existence."

Chapter One: The Wish

Alan and Tom were college roommates and best friends, and they were nerds. Not just run of the mill nerds, but full blown, Star Trek convention attending, computer addicted, chess mastering, Dungeons and Dragons playing nerds. The two young men were quite similar, with only one real difference defining them – their opinion of the most popular girl in school, Michelle.

This important distinction was very important when Tom and Alan ran into Michelle. She was the captain of their college’s cheerleading squad, and deserved that title in every respect. She possessed a stunning quantity of traditionally defined beauty, she was a skilled acrobat, and she was haughty and pretentious enough to feel genuinely at home atop the proverbial social ladder. She had short, well coifed hair, a slightly tanned and flawless complexion, an extremely slender physique. 

Alan was quite smitten with her. From the moment he first saw her, he felt consumed with infatuation. He even had once hid under the bleachers and secretly watched her during cheerleading practice. He desperately desired Michelle to be his, and lamented this desire’s impossibility to Tom often. 

Tom wasn’t at all interested in Michelle – how could he be? Tom felt that since she had nothing in common with him, there was no real attraction. And likewise, Michelle wasn’t at all interested in Alan. The few times they had bumped into each other, Michelle refused to even speak to him. She walked right past him as if he didn’t even exist.

Tom was a good friend, and while he understood that Alan’s motives for wanting Michelle were skewed, he felt sympathetic to his buddy and decided to help. 

He decided to do some online research to see what he how he could help Alan. In no time, he had found exactly the guide he needed.

“Let me see,” Tom said, studying the list he had found…I’m not a magical practitioner, I’m not a scientist with access to funny chemical compounds…aha! Rule Nine…” Tom started. “Law of wish realization inevitability – any wish made by anyone anywhere will be inevitably granted.” 

“I wish for Michelle to become the kind of girl that would fall in love with…a nerdy guy like Alan.” Tom head a knock on the door, and half expected that there’d be a sudden poof, or the room would spin, and he’d suddenly come face to face with his best friend making out with Michelle. But he saw nothing. The knock repeated itself, and Tom finally got around to answering it.

“Hey Tom,” Alan said as he entered the apartment. “Whatcha up to?” 

“Eh, nothing much,” Tom replied. “Nothing much at all...” 

Chapter Two: The Perfect Girlfriend

After a few more minutes of chatting with Alan, Tom had decided that the whole wish thing was rubbish. He felt embarrassed at having even looked up such a facile solution to his friend’s problem. As the two played D & D, Tom tried once again to explain to Alan why he saw dating differently. 

“Isn’t this the best?” Tom opined with a certain degree of vagueness in his slightly nasal tone of voice.

“The best what? Game?” Alan squeaked in his high pitched voice. “Well, there’s chess, Magic the Gathering, World of Warcraft…maybe this is in the top 5…” Alan’s voice trailed off as he mentioned still more games.

“No, I meant playing games in general.” Tom clarified.

“Well, of course.” Alan replied.

“Well, wouldn’t you want your perfect girlfriend to be able to sit down and join us?” Tom asked, getting to his point.

“Why would Michelle be interested in D & D? She’s a cheerleader.” Alan responded with confusion.

“No, not Michelle, I mean, a perfect hypothetical girlfriend. I mean, as if you had designed her to be whatever you wanted. Wouldn’t you want her to enjoy doing the things you enjoy?” 

“Well…maybe,” Alan hedged. “But I don’t know if that’s sustainable. How many supermodels do you know that play role playing games?” 

“We’re talking hypothetically here, Alan. You can make anyone like anything you want.” Tom reminded him.

“I know, but you’re missing the broader context, Tom. What hot chick would choose to continue to keep playing games in the basement with nerds, even if that was her highest ambition? There’s just so many social and financial rewards for other behaviors. Becoming a cheerleader, a model, making friends with the popular people…how is she going to resist that forever?” Alan asked, with a sense of triumph.

“What about you? I don’t see you running off to join the football team to impress Michelle and join that popular world.” Tom countered.

“Well, that’s not exactly a workable option for us, Tom. We were given the gifts of brains, not brawn,” Alan replied.

“Well, you aren’t going to get an argument from me on that one,” Tom conceded, and the two chortled in laughter for a few moments.

Chapter Three: The Game

After failing to convince his friend to change his standards, he figured that Alan’s loneliness was just going to be a permanent fixture of their lives. He was therefore quite surprised when their lunchtime chess game was interrupted by a most unexpected guest.

“1.e4,” Tom announced in chess notation as he made the first move of the game. 

“…c6” Alan replied as he entered his favorite chess opening, the Caro-Kann

“2.e4” Tom responded quickly, and Alan moved “2…d5” just as quickly. Tom thought about his next move for a while, and then made his decision. “3.f3”

“What the heck is that?” Alan quipped, “You’ve never played that before.” 

“It’s called the fantasy variation,” Tom responded. “I read an…interesting story online that introduced me to…to...” He stopped speaking as he looked over Alan’s shoulder. Michelle was walking over to their table! “Muh, muh…” Tom stuttered, unable to finish speaking the name of Alan’s crush.

“Don’t mind me,” Michelle began, “This game looks interesting, mind if I watch?” 

“Go right ahead,” Alan squeaked, and she pulled up a chair and stared at the board intently. 

The next few dozen moves of the game didn’t go well for Alan. Though usually a solid player, he floundered around the board, his pieces taking inactive positions. Tom credited his superior less to the Fantasy Variation and more to Alan’s inability to keep his eyes on the board, with Michelle sitting right next to him. 

Tom could tell that Alan was close to resigning. After another attacking move, Tom felt as though victory was inevitable. He saw Alan’s hand drift towards his King, ready to tip it over in resignation. Before he reached it, however, it was stopped by Michelle’s. 

For a brief moment, their hands hesitated, lingering over the board. After a poignant silence, Michelle finally spoke: “May I?” she asked.

“Uh…sure,” Alan responded at least, not quite sure what Michelle was asking but confident enough that his answer would be yes in just about every case. Michelle reached for Alan’s Queen and moved it directly into the path of Tom’s pawns. 

“Michelle, I…you…uh…” Alan was unable to formulate his words, trying to explain that she was giving away his Queen in a hopeless position. Tom, however, saw the position for what it was and smacked himself on the forehead. How could he have missed this?

“It’s a draw!” Michelle exclaimed. “Stalemate. If he captures your Queen, you have no legal moves and the game’s tied. But if he doesn’t capture, you’ll just put him in check and force him to capture next turn. You’ve secured the draw in worse position.” It was truly a brilliant maneuver, and Tom was less upset at Michelle for telling Alan about it than he was upset at himself for not having anticipated it himself.

“Well lunch is already over, catch you guys later,” Michelle said, as she scampered off towards her table. Alan was too stunned to reply; he simply sat there, his jaw slack with incredulity.

Chapter Four: The Invitation

At first, Tom and Alan didn’t know what to make of Michelle’s strange behavior. There wasn’t a logical explanation. 

“She couldn’t be an expert chess player…” Alan whispered to Tom during science lecture. 

“But, it’s equally unlikely that any novice would have seen that move.” Tom whispered back.

“Well, if she was just having fun with us, why would she have suddenly become so into the game? And how would she know an opportunity like that would come up?” Alan inquired. Tom had an answer prickling in the back of his mind, but he didn’t allow himself to consider it. That just couldn’t be the answer…could it?

The two didn’t have to wait too long before seeing Michelle again. At the end the day, they literally bumped into her in the hall. Alan was surprised to actually hear her apologize and even helped pick up some papers that had fallen in their little collision.

“Hey, what are you doing this afternoon?” Michelle asked the still stunned nerd duo.

“Uh, well, um…” Alan squeaked, desperately trying to come up with something more impressive sounding than what was occurring. Tom, on the other hand, had a funny feeling that the truth was exactly what Michelle wanted to hear.

“Playing D & D, or maybe Magic the Gathering, why?” Tom asked. Alan scowled, subtly tried to nudge him. His eyes seemed to say “Hey Tom, you don’t want her to think we’re a bunch of nerds, do you?”

“Ooh, sounds cool. Mind if I come?” Michelle asked as she batted her mascara-filled eyelashes. Alan was again rendered speechless, and so it fell to Tom to answer. He was still a bit skeptical.

“Don’t you have cheerleader practice today?” Tom asked, slightly raising an eyebrow. 

“Eh, well, yeah. I mean…” It was Michelle who now seemed to have trouble speaking clearly. “Well, I do, yes. But I’m ditching it. One day won’t kill the squad, right?”

Tom nodded approvingly. “Of course. We’d love to have you over to play some games.”

Chapter Five: Dinner for Three

Alan and Tom walked back to their apartment with a sense of disbelief: here it was, Friday night, and they were going to be playing their favorite games with the most popular girl in school. Alan was tripping over his feet (moreso than usual) as they finally got to the apartment. Tom wasn’t sure which was more of a coincidence: the wish he had made yesterday or the hypothetical question he had posed to Alan last night.

By the time they were setting up the D & D table, Alan’s nerves had finally calmed down. By the time they were creating the character sheets, it was obvious to both young men that something man than a radical change interests was happening to Michelle.

“So, I’m guessing you want to be the elf, the lithe, thin, spritely race?” Alan asked, trying his best to say it flirtatiously.

Michelle loudly – and uncharacteristically – combined a snort with a scoff. “Yeah, right. Why don’t I play the dwarf, short, shout, strong, hearty – and with a nice constitution bonus?” 

Neither Tom nor Alan was sure how to understand this remark. Had she really just shot down a comparison between her and a lovely elf in favor of one between her and a homely dwarf? Or had she only suggested that she play the dwarf to create as much contrast between herself and her role-playing alter ego as possible? Or had she just wanted the character’s constitution bonus? And how in the world did someone playing this game for the first time know that dwarves receive that bonus anyway?

No answers became apparent, and the game continued. Michelle continued to display traits that made it seem as though she never was a cheerleader. Upon sitting down, she didn’t hold herself with great poise and grace, as Alan had often observed her do during English class. Instead, she simply flopped down, slouching a little bit against the couch, which made her look shorter and more casual. When Tom made nerdy puns about rules in the game, she laughed a big, bellowing, dorky, unladylike laugh. 

The hours flew by and soon it was evening. “What’s for dinner around here?” Michelle asked, rubbing her flat tummy. “I’m starving.” 

“I don’t know…maybe we can get pizza?” Alan asked. Michelle brightened up.

“Great idea! Let’s try ordering it online!” Michelle exclaimed. Tom merely shrugged and pulled out his laptop.

“What’s this article here, ‘How to eat an entire pizza in one sitting?" Michelle asked, pointing to an online tab saved from his last browsing session. Tom stammered for a minute and took back his laptop, and then Michelle continued. “Looks totally neat, I want to give that a try. Let’s order two pizzas and see if I can pull this off…” Alan looked a little bit taken aback, but Tom’s eyes widened. He unconsciously licked his lips as he imagined Michelle stuffing her face with slice after slice of pizza. 

“Stop that,” he mentally scolded himself. “She’s for your friend, remember?”

When the pizza arrived, the boys were surprised to see Michelle answer the door and take care of the pizza tab. 

“You didn’t have to do that, Michelle,” Tom said.

“Well, it’s the least I can do, given that you’ve both taught me to play some awesome games. Plus – I plan to eat more pizza than both you scrawny guys put together!” Alan and Tom seriously doubted both of these claims. Michelle had picked up the rules to D & D quickly – too quickly. After just a few hours, she seemed to understand the very complex rules as well as Tom and himself. She had to already have known how to play, yet what was the possible incentive of lying? The pizza claim was also doubtful. How could a cheerleading captain really eat a whole pizza? Then again, she was skipping practice to hang out with them…

Tom brought out some 2 liter sodas for them to drink, and Michelle greedily guzzled hers directly from the bottle. Afterwards, she let out a little burp, and then blushed.

Michelle didn’t even bother using a paper plate. She simply dragged her pizza box over to where she was sitting and ate the pizza directly out of it. Before she ate, she pulled open as many of the little packets of red pepper and parmesan cheese as she could find and doused her pizza. She tore open one of the little packets a bit clumsily and cheese flew everywhere, creating a huge mess. Some landed on the carpet, and some landed on her clothes, and a few little crumbs landed on her chest and slightly exposed cleavage. She quickly grabbed a napkin and tried to clean everything up, blushing yet again.

Tom noticed Alan looking at this spectacle with what appeared to be a mix of curiosity and revolution on his face. Tom was simply amused.

Michelle began to chow down on her pieces of pizza in earnest. She took large bites, chewed noisily, and failed to catch dribbling grease from the slice more than a couple of times. She was cramming them down as she was starved, and as Tom gazed at her impossibly thin waistline, he guessed that she might as well have been.

“Hey Tom?” Michelle asked, shaking him out of his staring. 

“Uh, yeah?” Tom replied.

“Are you going to eat your crusts?” 

Chapter Six: The Transformation

When Michelle excused herself to go to the bathroom, Tom and Alan had a chance to talk amongst themselves for the first time in hours.

“Well, what do you think? Isn’t this the best day of your life?” Tom exclaimed excitedly.

“Well, yeah…” Alan said reluctantly. 

“Well yeah, nothing! I thought she was totally out of your league, but every thing we do impresses her. She’s really the best of both words in the flesh.”

“Yeah,” Alan agreed, again with a tone of reluctance in his voice. “I never really expected this, you know…that she’d be such a cool…buddy.” 

“What’s going on, Alan? Buddy? Buddy? This is Michelle you’re talking about. Are you blind?” Tom asked incredulously.

“Well she is hot. But I don’t know – there’s just something wrong. I mean, how did she pick up chess and D & D that fast? And some of her mannerisms are so…not cheerleader. There’s just a really weird vibe going on for me, to be honest.” Alan said. 

Tom debated if explaining the wish he had made would offer clarification for his friend, or if it would just cause him to think Tom was nuts. Before he reached a decision, Michelle walked back in the room. 

Tom immediately noticed something different about her – but he couldn’t quite place it. After a few moments of impolite starting, he realized her hair had changed. The popular styling was gone and it was just sort of naturally hanging. It definitely went with the ultra-casual behaviors she had been exhibiting all evening.

As the three resumed the game, other changes started become obvious as well. Michelle’s stomach, which was almost unnaturally flat at the start of the meal, had a definite curve to it now. Tom thought that this might be because of the amount of pizza she had stuffed down her maw, but as he studied her more intently, he began to notice other changes.

Her arms had grown a bit. They were no longer twigs, but getting a bit bigger and huskier. They led up to a pair of slightly rounder and broader shoulders. Tom eyed her up and down and she looked as if she had put on 15 pounds since this afternoon.

“Was this plumpers pizza?” He thought to himself. That just couldn’t be – could it?

Michelle, still intently consuming her pizza, seemed totally oblivious to Tom’s staring, so he continued. She stuffed another piece of pizza into her mouth, and Tom could actually see her chest expand. Her breasts strained against her top and revealed a bit more cleavage. She took another bite, and Tom swore he could see her thighs broadening and her hips swelling in girth. He could tell her legs were becoming thick and juicy. Her tummy was starting to peek out from under her tight-fitting shirt. It’s swollen, round shape indicated a blossoming potbelly. 

“Will you excuse me?” Michelle started Tom yet again. “I should go take my contacts out, my eyes are starting to hurt.” She pulled herself up from her pizza feast and walked to the bathroom. Tom noticed her larger derriere and the fact that her walk now had a slight waddle to it.

“I didn’t know she had contacts,” Alan said. Both he and Tom always wore glasses – and when Michelle exited the bathroom, so did she. Big, thick ones that put both Alan’s and Tom’s lenses to shame. And was it the dim light – or was her skin paler? It was as if the artificial tan had melted away and her natural, ultra-pale and creamy complexion was taking over. 

Tom noticed Shelly’s overall frame seemed to have expanded as well. She now had big shoulders and a broad back. Her breasts were now tantalizingly large and luscious, and even her face was chubby. She had puffy, apple cheeks which created cute dimples when she smiled, and a slightly double chin when she yawned.

“Ok, where were we? Was my dwarf fighter going to attack?” Neither Tom nor Alan responded. Michelle’s voice had changed, too! It was now more nasal, and a bit more high pitched and squeaky. 

“We were going to rescue the princess from the dungeon, actually,” Tom finally replied. 

“Well I hope she’s ready for an amateur if she’s anything like sleeping beauty. I’ve never been kissed,” Michelle squealed.

“Michelle, you’ve never been kissed?” Alan asked with disbelief.

“Michelle, Michelle, I hate that name. Sounds so girly and lame. Call me Shelly.” 

“Shelly? Shelly?” Alan repeated with disdain.

“Yeah, I like that much better. And to answer your question, yes I’ve never been kissed, Alan.” Michelle said, her eyes locking onto his.

“I, well, me, me neither…” Alan stammered.

“Well, maybe you could help remedy that, Alan…” And she leaned in towards him, puckering her lips like a 6th grader kissing on a dare. Alan stared at what his lovely Michelle had become. He was horrified.

“Tom, I need to talk to you outside right now!” And with that, he ran out of the apartment and left Shelly kissing the air.

Chapter Seven: Reevaluation

After telling Shelly to sit tight for a moment, Tom reluctantly followed Alan outside. He found his friend bleary-eyed and close to tears.

“What, what the hell is going on,” he wailed. “Are you seeing what I’m seeing, Tom? Tell me I’m not going crazy.”

“Alan, I should have told you earlier. This is my fault entirely.” Tom admitted.

“Your fault? What could have done?” Alan asked incredulously.

“I…wished for it to happen,” Tom stated, realizing how silly it sounded.

“You wished for my dream girl to be reduced to…to…” Alan stammered. “You wished for my dream girl to be ruined like this right in front of me? Is this some kind of payback for your hypothetical yesterday or something?” 

“No! It’s not like that. I made the wish before that talk with you. I wished for her to become the kind of girl who would fall for you,” Tom replied defensively.

“That’s for the insult, Tom. You think that,” Alan snarled out the last word as he pointed to the apartment, “is the only kind of girl who’d ever fall for a geek like me?” 

“No, Alan, listen. I just wished that she’d be the kind of girl that would fall for you. I never thought she’d change in that way. This is all happening out of my control.” Tom explained.

“And what do you mean you ‘wished’ this? How would that do anything, Tom?” Alan asked accusingly.

“It’s hard to explain, Alan. Let’s just say there are many things you don’t understand.” Tom said indelicately.

“What don’t I understand?” Alan asked.

“For starters, what’s wrong with Michelle, err…Shelly? You were just saying a while ago what a cool buddy she was.” Tom countered.

“That’s my whole point, Tom! She’s like some girl we’d meet at a Star Trek convention now.” Alan said with disgust.

“What’s wrong with that?” Tom asked sheepishly.

“What’s wrong with that? Michelle was the cheerleading captain. Just think of what people would say if a guy like me was walking around with someone like her. Now she’s ruined.” Alan lamented.

“So that’s what this is all about, huh? What other people think and say about us? Let it go, Alan. They don’t matter.” 

“It matters! It matters!” Alan insisted. “Haven’t you noticed how unpopular we are? Besides, Michelle was beautiful. Why’d that have to change? Why can’t you wish her back to the way she was?” Alan demanded.

“Because you were right last night, Alan, although I hate to admit it. A cheerleader isn’t going to just become a dork for no reason. Everything in life is about incentives, real or imagined. There’s just no incentive for Michelle, as she was, to change only her habits but not her appearance. And besides, who says that Michelle was more beautiful than Shelly?” 

“I do, and so would every other sane person in the galaxy.” Alan retorted.

“There you go again with the other people’s opinions thing. Do you really know what you find beautiful in a woman, Alan? Have you really thought about where your opinions come from? Have you considered if you really do feel this way or if you’re just reflecting the views of everyone else?”

“So what if I am, that doesn’t make the feelings less real.” Alan replied defensively.

“No, it doesn’t, but that’s how we’re treated, Alan. We’re looked down upon because of commonly held prejudices. Do people learn to play chess before they criticize us ‘eggheads’ for playing? Do they learn how to build a chemistry set before they worship at the foot of the quarterback? Of course not. We are mocked and teased for no reason other than our interests and our looks are unfashionable. Just like Shelly is now. Would you really want to treat her the way other people have treated us?” Tom spoke with a sense of urgency. He felt as though he had finally understood this entire evening’s meaning.

“That’s really nice of you Tom, but come on. Haven’t you ever dreamed of becoming a millionaire and getting a trophy wife? Haven’t you ever wanted to become something other than a reject?” Alan pleaded desperately. 

“No, I don’t. I want someone who has a lot in common with me. I want a woman that can understand me, Tom. Some skinny gold digger who’s only attracted to me for my money couldn’t ever have a meaningful relationship with me. And besides I’m happy with myself. Don’t you think…” But Tom was cut off.

“No, I don’t think, that, whatever it is you’re about to say. I can’t accept what you’ve done to Michelle. Change her back, it isn’t right.”

“Why? She’d just go back to ignoring you.” Tom said.

“I don’t want to debate us anymore, Tom, this is about her. You don’t think she wants to be like this, would you?” Alan asked.

“Well, I don’t know…” Tom said. “To be honest I hadn’t really thought of it from that angle. Well, why not? Would you really want to just turn into a pro football player if you could?” Tom replied.

“Yes! Yes I would.” Alan started crying. “You’re right Tom, you’re right about everything. I do hate myself…” 

“Alan, I’m sorry…I wish you were a football player.” Tom said before he could stop himself.

“What did you just say, Tom?” Alan asked in awe. Tom felt he might as well commit to it now.

“I said I wish you were a football player. No, the best football player this school has ever seen!” Tom said.

“Woah…I should get going to football practice then!” And with that, he ran off in direction of the school’s football field. As Tom looked at him disappearing into the distance, he suddenly had a revelation: he was possibly seeing his best friend disappear forever.

Chapter Eight: Discovery

Tom initially tried to chase Alan down, to get him back, perhaps even to apologize. He felt bad about what he’d done, and he didn’t want to lose his friend. Unfortunately, Tom’s asthma caught up to him, and he was reduced to simply holding his sides and wheezing, with his friend far outdistancing him.

When Tom finally got back to his apartment, he was surprised to see Shelly on his computer. 

“Tom, I hope you don’t mind. You and Alan were talking so loudly outside, I couldn’t help but hear you. I didn’t understand most of what you said – but it sounded serious. I had to try to figure out what’s really going on.” 

“And…?” Tom asked.

“Well, again, I hope you don’t consider this an invasion of your privacy, but I looked through your browsing, history, and I think I get what was going on. This story, The Cheerleader, this describes what happened, right? A cheerleader changes into…someone like me?”

“Yes, I suppose so,” Tom said reluctantly, feeling embarrassed and guilty. “I’m sorry.” 

“I really used to be a cheerleader?” Shelly asked with a tone of doubt in her voice.

“Yes, of course. You’re captain of the squad,” Tom said.

“How long ago was this?” Shelly asked to Tom’s amazement. Did she really not remember?

“This afternoon,” Tom said. “All of these changes have happened over just a few hours.”

“Tom, how is that possible? How could I have put on 80 pounds in a few hours? And I don’t know the first thing about cheerleading. I have Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings posters decorating my walls. I’m not a cheerleader…”

“I don’t know what to say, Shelly. I’m sorry I wished for it. I feel terrible,” Tom lamented.

“Alan must have liked the old me, and now he’s repulsed by me…as would any guy, I guess,” Shelly said. “Why do you even read these stories, Tom? Do you just like the idea of some smug hot chick getting her comeuppance?” 

“To be honest, Shelly, I do think there’s quite a lot of that among people that read these stories. But for me, I don’t really think of a transformation as a negative, as a punishment.” Tom explained.

“What else could they be?” Shelley asked.

“Well, I think Alan just had bad taste. Or more specifically, he has misplaced priorities. He cares more about impressing other people than being comfortable with himself.” 

“So what, Tom? So what?” Shelly squealed.

Tom wasn’t quite sure how to explain why he read those stories. For a few moments he simply gazed at Shelly. 

“Didn’t you read anything else, Shelly? Did you read ‘Feel Beautiful as You Are?’ or ‘The Beauty of a Positive Self Image?” He gave her a few minutes to read the self-esteem articles, hoping the message would sink in as fast as everything else had changed.

“Those are very nice,” Shelly said at last.

“I could tell you that I actually think you’re beautiful right now, Shelly. I could tell you that in attempting to get Alan his perfect girlfriend, I’ve created my own instead. But that doesn’t matter, not really. You can’t just rely on me to understand who you are or are or create a sense of self worth. It has to come from within.” 

“I know, Tom,” Shelly whispered.

“And, I want to give you the opportunity to change back. I think I inadvertently changed Alan. I can change you too. You could go get Alan to love you again – I’m sure he’s Michelle’s type now. You could get just about any guy to love you as Michelle.”

“But not you,” Shelly said in a low voice.

“Well, I think you’re perfect just as you are now, but it’s your choice. It was wrong of me to alter your whole life just because I wanted to help a friend, it’s only fair that I give you the chance to change it back now.” 

Shelly scooted her plump body a little closer to Tom. “That’s so sweet. It means the world to me that you’d give me the choice.” Shelly surprised Tom by wrapping her husky arms around his thin frame and giving it a mighty squeeze.

For a few moments, the two simply held each other, taking in the emotions of the evening. Finally, Shelly leaned into Tom’s ear and whispered: “I want to keep playing nerdy games. I want to go out with you and for everyone to think we’re such a nerdy couple. I want to eat dessert when I go to a restaurant. I want – no, I wish – for things to be just like this.” 

With that, Shelly leaned into Tom and the two kissed. Tom ran his hands down Shelly’s chubby cheeks and then down her love-handled waist. Tom tried to hold and appreciate her every delicious curve. He felt her arms hug him so tight and her heavy body pin him against the wall so hard that he could barely breathe. Her tongue eagerly delved into his mouth, flailing about with both inexperience and eagerness. 

When the two finally broke the kiss, they were both gasping and giggling eagerly. After a long silence, Shelly finally said “Besides, you can’t really wish me back.” 

“Why couldn’t I, I wished for Alan…” Shelly cut him off.

“Well, you have no way knowing if that wish really worked,” Shelly countered. 

“True,” Tom conceded. Apparently his logic and way of debating had impacted Shelly as well.

“But I was referring to law 48, of course,” Shelly said.

“Law 48?” Tom asked.

“Yeah, ‘While it is possible under certain rare circumstances to reverse WG, it is not possible to do so before the woman has grown to at least 180 pounds in size, nor is it possible to get her below this point,’ from the rules of weight gain. You didn’t remember that one?” Shelly asked.

“No, I guess not,” Tom replied sheepishly.

“Honestly, Tom, if your entire story of what happened to me rests on law 9 of that list, I’d really recommend that you keep the rest of them in mind.” 

“Ok, will do…” Tom said, and leaned in to kiss Shelly again.

THE END

 

Enjoy nerd/weight gain stories? Then check out my ebook, From Nikki to Nerdy: The Ring of Change Saga. Zeke and Nikki are studying for a social sciences exit exam for their grad school program. Nikki is a vapid, skinny airhead, more interested in fashion than in her college education. Zeke, the geeky head of her study group, finds her annoying and not at all attractive. He says he wishes he could find a girl "even nerdier" than he is, after unwittingly providing her with the magical "Ring of Change." Little does he know, but is Zeke is about to get his wish. Can he really handle a woman who can out-nerd him?